I have yet to meet someone who says hot digity it is finally time to do this. Having done it twice now, I have the following profound wisdom to depart:

Start planning for this over a week in advance. Mentally say goodbye to the food you normally eat. We eat a lot of multi grain this and that. I had not seen white bread in a long time. When shopping, prior to your procedure, for your pantry keep that in mind. Get some small Jellos and no popcorn. It is a week of your life so don’t get in a panic. Give yourself grace as you will soon be back to salads and all the grains you desire.

Because here is the thing, actual prep is a two-day process, however whatever you do NOT put in your body does not have to come out of your body. The week prior I try to eliminate any seeds, nuts popcorn. That also means the multi grains, veggies with skins. I also try to avoid anything with red and blue coloring and salmon. Again, less things that go in that that might be an issue, then potential for less issues.

Depending on your appointment time, your prep may be divided into two days. Regardless, the 24 hours before prep should be clear liquids. I know, you think you will die. You dream of food. Like those cartoons (Tom & Jerry, Bugs Bunny) where they look at someone and picture a giant chicken leg… yeah that). Do yourself a favor these last two days, avoid any grocery shopping and try to watch shows without food commercials.

For this day, I drink a lot of tea, sparkling water (seems filling), chicken broth and Jello. I take walks to keep myself out of the kitchen. Drink lots of water. LOTS! For two reasons, 1) the prep has a tendency to dehydrate you a bit and 2) the more hydrated you are they easier it is to put in the IV. So, water, lots of water.

It appears that everything can be bought over the counter for the prep these days. Pick a Gatorade flavor you don’t particularly enjoy any way. I always go lemon lime. When you are buying these supplies the medical institution will tell you about in the prep instructions, also get wipes. They can be baby wipes or adult wipes. But get a package of wipes. More on that later.

Mix the prep (MiraLAX and Gatorade) about an hour before you are going to drink it. You do not want undissolved grit. Leave it at room temperature (ewww I know). Now prepare your bathroom. Take a grocery bag or small garbage bag and put it in your trash can (you want to put the used wipes in there and not flush them). Get the wipes in a handy logical place. Maybe light a candle. 

I find the prep can take from 30 min to 4 hours to kick in and work. Your stomach will gurgle. This is important so pay attention… NEVER trust a fart in this process from now until like 4 days from now. Trust me on this one.

Eventually the gurgling will go lower and you will decide it is time to go to the bathroom. Have you ever been on a car trip and you are waiting until the next rest stop to pee. And you can hold you, you think. And then you start counting the miles and doing math of if I go this speed then I only have x number of minutes until I am there. You finally get there, all is well and it sounds like Niagara Falls. This is what it will feel like, but from the other exit. The rapidness of the exit may astound you.

This is the beginning of the process of bathroom, clean up, rest, bathroom. Repeat. Repeat. You WILL stop going to the bathroom. (and hopefully the color change will start to take place).

This last time mine was divided into two prep experiences. The first took place about 5pm. It took a bit to get started but I was done hopping up and down by 10-11pm. I didn’t sleep well and did jump up a few times in the night. Part of mine was worry as I had not achieved yellow/clear status after that first round (turns out I probably was not supposed to at that juncture).  The next morning, I did the second half. The evacuation process started quicker and I got to clear fairly quickly. So if they have you doing it in two parts, do not fret about not getting to “clean” right away.

On the last bathroom trip before heading to the doctor, I just tied up the bag of used wipes and tossed it in the trash. Also did a quick toilet bowl cleaning. No sense in coming home to this nonsense.

Depending on the facility and you, they may do this next part a bit differently. This is just my experience. They had me change into a gown, but leave on bra and socks (I had thought they might let me keep the socks on so I had picked a fun pair so we could discuss that instead of what was going on). They started an IV in my arm. Doctor came in to tell me about it. Anesthesiologist came into talk about his part. They came and rolled my bed down the hall into the operating room. Lots to look at but within a short time I was out. I woke in the operating room, but they quickly took me to recovery. I remember Gordon Lightfoot playing but no idea now of the song. I do know I was out but not deep out (like with my knee surgery) as I was not dopey for too long and remember a tad more.

Doctor came in and went over the findings with me and gave me lovely pictures of my insides. Nurse gave me a snack and water. I got dressed and they took me out in a wheelchair as required. You do need a driver as they don’t like to have you drive for 24 hours. And I immediately decided we needed to hit a fast-food place on the way home.

There are a few steps to this process that are less than fun. And for some reason I always fret about going under anesthesia.  But you should do it if it is time for you to do it. Knowledge is power. If you and your doctor decide it is ok, you can always “poop in a box” as it is known in my household. But know if you do need a colonoscopy, you can totally do this.