I am still struggling with this one, but I like to think I am getting better.  In Lousie Penny’s series, the lead Inspector has this key idea: “There are four things that lead to wisdom: I don’t know, I need help, I’m sorry, and I was wrong.” I do pretty well with the third and fourth but the first two… well that is a work in progress.

I volunteered this year to help with the rehabbing and upkeep of a native prairie area nearby. Invasive species had taken over during Covid and I am not sure that prior stewards had the full grasp of what was needed. There are now some terrific people at the helm. Master Naturalists are in charge (I had no idea that this level of education even existed; Master Gardener, yes; Master Naturalist, nope).

The first email arrived, and it was lengthy and very in-depth. And I freaked out. I am not smart enough to do this. At one point it discusses dressing for ticks. I read it again and start to take the shape of a pill bug (rolly polly bug, doddle bugs, potato bugs, whatever you call them). I keep pondering my response. Weeks go by, I ‘accidently’ delete the email. A week later another email arrives. I read it and again it is very detailed but also talks about tasks that need to be done. I look and realize I can do these. I may not know the real name of the pretty purple flowers I plant every year, but I can put little seedings in cups to plant later this year.

This time I only waited two days and then sent the following:

I can come over and help with things Tues and maybe Th. However, I will need guidance (I feel a bit like a kindergartener in a master’s class when the emails hit)

To come clean, I didn’t reply after your last email because I didn’t know what to wear. No really. lol. It said something about dressing for ticks. I grew up in the southern part of the state and dressing for ticks meant playing outside all day and then stripping to our skivvies on the back porch while my mom checked our hair and then sent us in the house. I’m a tad lacking knowledge in this area.

The reply was lovely, encouraging and amused by my humor.

I have told you this prior, but it is worth repeating. When I was looking for a nursing home for my mom, I met many lovely people and one of the administration team at a place I was looking at said to me, ok what questions do you have? I said to her, I don’t even know what I don’t know. That is a perfectly good statement. It is asking. I also like, you have done this much more than I have, what I am not thinking to ask?

Do I do this all the time? Oh, heck no. I can bluff with the best of them. Classic fiction is the worst with me. I am an English Major and as such, you should have probably have read Austen, Dickens, Twain, DH Lawrence, Shakespeare, et al. Have I? Yes, some but not all. Not enough to have a strong opinion and memory of any of them. Ok, DH Lawrence there was a class and I swear that instructor saw sex in EVERY NOVEL and lots of it. (I was more like uh, I thought that was just a well she got water from?!?), that I remember… plot of the novels, not so much. At one point in my younger days, I had about one novel per author I should know, that I could half heartedly talk about (from cliff notes/wiki). Now I tend to just say “I read them in college but that is a long time ago, however I did just read…”) Someone asked me if I liked “James” more than “Adventures of Tom Sawyer”. I have no memory of reading AOTS, I just said how much I really liked “James” (and I did).

I have rambled but I want to tie this one off with this. It is much easier to help someone than to ask for help or even accept help from someone. If you think of it though, it is really a gift to let others help you. Even on a small scale, that smile someone gives you when you hold a door for them, that makes you feel darn good. Even smile back. So maybe you let someone get that dopamine hit and ask for help or clarity if you don’t understand.