We all have them, right? Those niggling and sometimes much louder Mean Voices (MV) that say, you can’t do that! Are you nuts? Of course that person is mad at you; you had to have done something to them. You really shouldn’t try that, you are too much of a chicken and really don’t have the ability. Good lord that top makes you look like the Michelin Tire Man… take that off! You know… those voices. They are probably the worst when we are teenagers, trying to find ourselves and how we fit. But MV unfortunately never really go away.
Mine are really loud right now. And I hate that. I keep trying to flick them away…that isn’t working out so well. At least not yet.
My second class in the MLS starts August 25th and as is my nature, I am reading some of the required readings early. To get a feel for the class, to get an idea how this one is organized, and I think need to learn some software but I am at a frozen impasse on which to pick and use. What if I pick wrong? I had hoped calm some fears. Unfortunately, it seems to be doing the opposite. The MV are loud and doubting. So much new information to process, trying to figure out where to find the time to make it happen (not sleeping well, so maybe there is a time slot there), trying to juggle All The Things and making mental mountains out of molehills.
And then there is orientation tomorrow. I am excited to meet the department and maybe some classmates, as the degree is all online, this might be my one opportunity to do so over the next few years. But the MV are making a chorus of what if they ask you your focus (public, academic, research), like you have a clue on that! You are so old to be doing this… sure we can call in non-traditional but we all know what that means right? What in the world are you going to wear… And on and on.
In my saner moments, I take a deep breath. And remember ace up my sleeve is that I have done out of my comfort zone things before…many times, I know that the MV will hush as I take the first steps forward and I just need to focus on the little wee Nice Voice that says, Dude! you, rock star you, you GOT this and I love your hair! And a bit more sleep… that might be a good idea too. 🙂
kkdonk 